Phil Marsden

Whilst on holiday at Greenacres our camera had got broken and we couldn't get the film out of it with Matthew's last moments alive. The picture below was one that we salvaged from the broken camera but unfortunately most were unrecovered.

Matthew loved to entertain either by dancing or singing. He was a little performer! We have a touring caravan that we would take to Haven and British Holidays Parks at least once a month and the boys loved it. All you would hear from Matthew was 'Bradley Bear' and 'Are we going in the caravan?' he got so excited! The picture to the right was two weeks before Matthew tragically died and was in Presthaven Sands. Below was on holiday at Greenacres two days before Matthew died. Matthew loved Bradley Bear but would never go near him. This was the first time he went by him without being afraid.

Why? Why? Why???.... Echoing through my head constantly…. How could this have happened in this day and age….? I lay in bed at night with one image in my head, that of my son floating in the duck pond. I have just one thought in my head of how he suffered until that one last gasp for air as water filled his little lungs that took his life. The thought of my little boy frightened and wanting daddy to protect him and I wasn't there for him. The worst suffering of all has been inflicted on man, the loss of his child. I now suffer for a lifetime, the lifetime that I welcome the end of. I have to go on for my family and bring some sort of normality back to what is now my shell of existence. Inside I will always weep unknown to the outside world. A minute of the day will not pass without a thought of my son entering into my head, and as I lay in bed exhausted needing sleep the tears will continue to stream down the side of my face soaking my ears and pillow. My little boy who was so full of love and kindness. At just 16 months he held his new born brother in his arms with such love and compassion. That love and compassion carried on for the rest of his short life. He never let his brother do without and made sure he was looked after before himself. He was just 2 ½ but had qualities of an Angel. Selfless, happy and always loving. My life…. This is it! A life of unbearable suffering! If this is how it feels to a man then how does it feel to the mother, my wife, who carried the child full term and gave birth to a living being? Even to me this is unimaginable! Every night I light a candle for Matts and pray to God to give strength to my family, friends and those who are suffering in the world. It would be nice if everyone could find a little time to pray for the needy and those suffering.